keep elevating, your work is beautiful.

I think these ideas you bring up about kindness are very worth considering – by all of us. I also think that you are very brave and honest, and I really admire you for that.

Thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us.

Thanks for writing all of this. It definitely takes a big person to look within and think about things you may have done that you’re not proud of. So, mad respect to you for that.

For what it’s worth, I’ve had the same pit-in-my-stomach feeling over this for the past few days. I fell really horrible about the fact that I “outed” you, especially after I found out you weren’t the same person that left and made the comment in the other panel, and especially because I know you had been drinking — and I’ve certainly said things myself while drunk that I would love to take back.

Please do know, though, that my intention with the post wasn’t to out you; I was trying to keep your identity concealed. The point I really wanted to make in that post was to let people know that what they say does get read/heard by us, and we are regular people with feelings, as well. I will fully admit, though — like you did — that I didn’t have all-good intentions. I definitely wanted to make you feel guilty when I wrote that, and in hindsight, I feel really bad for having gone there. So just know that I, too, am very sorry for this whole thing, and the way that it has made you feel. I fought fire with fire, and I’d like to think I’m a bigger person than that.

With that out of the way — this is a really fascinating blog post. Well-written, too. I think I can speak for most SXSW panelists and speakers when I say that I *want* the criticism. I just also want it to be constructive and professional (and, truly, I suspect yours would have been if we’d met in a more sober situation).

Coming off that stage on Sunday was strange. I had a bunch of people — most of whom I call friends — telling me that the panel was great, and they really enjoyed it. And, I had a couple of them telling me about this girl that left. Despite all the positive feedback, the “girl that walked out” thing was all I could think about. Then I ran into another friend, who apologized for missing my panel because he really wanted to see the Coudal one. He asked how it went, and I said, “well, I think okay — but apparently one chick walked out, so who knows.” He responded with, “woah, that girl was in YOUR panel? Yeah, she came into the Coudal one complaining about how yours sucked so she left.”

And that point, I was just sort of devastated. I know I shouldn’t have been — it was just one person’s opinion — but I aim to please, and when I fail, it weighs on me. So I sent the next several hours asking anyone I could what they thought of the panel — and everyone had good things to say. There was one person that had a bit of constructive criticism, but said she basically liked it.

But somehow I knew it was fake. i kept telling my friends and anyone who would listen that I wanted *real* feedback, honest feedback, not just people-being-nice feedback.

So the irony of me meeting you is that, at that moment, I actually really wanted someone to tell me it was bad. I almost needed someone to tell me it was bad, because I wasn’t really believing the people that were telling me it was good (because they were friends and I knew they would be kind). But I wasn’t at all prepared for the level of brutality in your honesty. :)

Anyway, the point of all this is — I do think it’s important to be kind and sensitive and realize that there are probably people and invested time behind what you are criticizing. But, I think it’s just as important to not let that stop you from being critical. I love that you gave me honest feedback. And I love that you weren’t afraid to say that you didn’t like the panel.

So I would say, don’t strop being critical — just keep the people in mind as you do it.

Mani, you wrote on my site, “I know I’m not your favorite person right now…” You couldn’t be more wrong about that. I have absolutely no ill will towards you and, instead, have been thinking about how guilty I feel for hurting you. I made matters worse, not better — for both of us — by making that post on my site. And that’s my fault.

But, as you say, we learned something from this. We can move on now, and hopefully we can do so as friends. I’d certainly love to know more about you and who you really are. So, e-mail me or IM me sometime. This is a funny way to have met, but we met nonetheless, and I’d like for the relationship to not end there.

:)